Part 2
In July we started the (this) journey of considering how and when to have children someday. We know the process will be highly methodical and very controlled due to my medical history. However, we are only beginning to uncover what it could take for us to become parents.
Luckily for me, July was a very smooth, and RR-MS Symptom free month.
I have been enjoying feeling “normal” and less MS’ed up. In the back of my mind I wonder which stage-season am I in? Why during periods of remission do I find myself day dreaming that a doctor will come in and say “IT’S A MIRACLE… YOU DON’T HAVE ANY SIGNS OF MS…. YOUR LESIONS ARE 100% GONE…. YOU’RE HEALED BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND HIS HAND…” Alas, not my reality, just a wish that my healthy sense of denial+invincibility+no symptoms would all add up to being MS free.
I like that wishful equation. That one where my biggest worry isn’t if my remission is about to end in a cataclysmic relapse… but rather wondering if I grabbed enough ice for the party or if I need to get gas today or tomorrow….
Beyond my perpetual battle of appreciating and respecting remission without stressing if/when the next relapse will ensue…..
BABIES…. Now we are into August and we have a general structure / plan of approaching parenthood. It’s a rough outline with a lot of hypotheticals and TBD’s but it’s more than we had before and my care team is up for the challenge.
Step 1: Get a NEW MS Specialist DONE
Step 2: Find an OBGYN/High-risk specialist team. DONE
Step 3: Ensure the doctors understand my medical history. DONE
Step 4: Get an appointment and transfer medical records. DONE
Steps 1 - 4 are complete / in-motion. The follow-up apt, scans, and bloodwork are scheduled. Once we get those results back we can effectively work with my (our) high-risk pregnancy team and plan out the details.
Step 5: Design a roadmap to parenthood. My treasure map to Motherhood. PENDING/IN PROCESS
Okay… cool… make a roadmap to becoming a mom, what does that even mean?
For me, it simply means I am actively empowering myself to explore timing and possibilities of what it will take for me to have my own child(ren) in the near future. I found myself wondering if that would mean/take I’d have a little girl in 2021, or maybe a little boy in 2022? Will it happen quickly? Will it be an exhaustive & frustrating process? Will he/she get my MS or my eyes? I know the experience is different for everyone. Only now, I feel excited to discover/plan/overcome whatever MY differences will look like.
There are a lot of details and timelines up in the air. The unknowns continue to mount with each new discovery of “potential” risks, outcomes, or fun facts. As a result… STEP 6!
Step 6: Wait. Pray. Get a Massage. Get a Puppy. Relax. There is nothing more that I can do today to get ready for the laundry list of “what ifs”.
When I look back in 5, 10, 30 years… I want to be able to say I took the challenges / opportunities head on, with grace, and passion, and drive. Not with fear, anxiety, stress, and an overwhelming sense of doubt.
Regardless of the next steps and outcome, this portion of My MSed Up Journey to mother is just beginning.
“The Road to Parenthood” is about to get paved (smoother).
Charlotte Raejole