Part 1
“Do you want to be a Mom someday?”
That is quite the question. It’s obviously yes…. right? We want kids… don’t we? We definitely dreamt of having a little girl… we named her on our first date. But… Now? With MS? Babies?
Can I even have kids? Should we have children? Should I carry my own babies? Am I considered a high-risk pregnancy if I do? How does it work with MS treatments? What if he/she gets my disease? What if I can’t carry to full-term? Should I use a surrogate? Are we meant to be ‘DINKS’ (Double-Income-No-Kids)?
Wait. Wait. Wait….. we aren’t even engaged yet. Babies?!?!?!?!
All true questions that I have been tossing around and around in my head since January. All things that I have had to consider faster and more deeply than I ever planned after the diagnosis.
I’d always dreamt of a future with children of my own. We’d name him/her something classic but unique. I’d hope that one would have red hair like my mom. They’d be unique but strong. Passionate but kind. I’d be a strict but fair mom. They’d have 7 grandparents…. so much love to go around! Our kids could change the [my] world. Are all of those dreams just something I have to forget now?
A doctor recently asked, “So…. do you want to have kids?” … we both nodded & agreed, yes, we want kids someday…. The doctor quickly scoffed and acted as if I had requested a unicorn to be delivered upon a platter made of Astatine, overflowing with rare jewels and fairy dust. I was confused. SHE ASKED ME IF I WANT KIDS. I answered., YES. Why did it seem like I had just asked for an inconceivable miracle?!?!?
Probably because I AM asking for a miracle. Not just asking, PRAYING for a miracle.
WHAT NOW?
I’ve been told by 2 doctors, that I have about 2 years to either have kids and be done, or not have them at all. At some point in MS the harder, higher-class risky drugs are likely required. I’ll pray to stay on my entry-level, easily tolerated, low side effects drugs forever, but the reality is that at some point, you may have to call in the big guns. The ones that would harm/end a pregnancy or render the ability to become pregnant virtually impossible.
Here is the part of my journey where we figure out if / when our family could ever grow by 10 fingers & 10 toes. How? When? Where?
Step 1: Get a NEW MS Specialist-Neurologist with a brain, heart & great bed-side manner. [Taking suggestions in the DC - NOVA Area]
Step 2: Find an OBGYN/High-risk specialist. Ensure both physicians are on the same page.
Step 3: Ensure the doctors understand my medical history from previous conditions resulting in likely ADDITIONAL high-risk complications
Step 4: Get an appointment and transfer medical records. Get the facts, opinions, directions, and referrals I trust.
Step 5: Design a roadmap to parenthood. It is not as intimate, accidental, or whimsical as some have. But it is my treasure map to Motherhood.
If the doctors are right, and I only have 2 years to have kids…. turning 30 in less than 5 months is making my biological alarm clock ring louder than Big Ben on New Years.
We may have 3 kids or 0 Kids. Adopt or use a surrogate. We may not have any risks/losses, or we could require a lot of help and support. Regardless of the outcome, this portion of My MSed Up Journey is just beginning. “The Road to Parenthood” starts here.
Charlotte Raejole
!!!***PLEASE NOTE***!!!
We are NOT currently attempting to have babies. We are NOT engaged. We are NOT seeking to become parents immediately. This is only the acknowledgement that MS has changed our timeline, risk, and future. As a result, we have to plan and adapt accordingly. Please, No Judgement or Panicking. Only Love, Prayers and Support are welcome on this journey.